I have a confession to make. I have a degree in journalism. Just a wait a second. Hold on to your rotten tomatoes. It's not that bad. I had a double-major. I was also a political science major. SPLAT!!
I'd like to think that the fact that I don't actually work as a journalist has something to do with the sad state of affairs in the profession (okay, that's a stretch). In the last year we've had major newspapers printing major stories on everything from phantom buzzers in the Kentucky Derby, to hardcore porn presented as U.S. military abuses, to accusations of racism in reality TV.
But hard news isn't the only media area that's suffering. Andrew Coyne describes some of the inane sports commentary he's been suffering through:
The one thing I don't look forward to is the moronic hockey commentary. Hockey commentary is always moronic, but it reaches a special intensity of moronitude at playoff time. You know what I'm talking about: the "this game is critical" analysis, sometimes phrased as a question ("Pat, how critical is it to win this game?"). Fellas, can I let you in on a secret? In a seven-game series, every game is critical.
I've been known to watch a game or two or three (that's what happens when you grow up in a sports crazy household). With apologies to Bull Durham, here are my bottom 5 sports journalism cliches:
5. The Frozen Tundra. Hey, dumbasses, tundra is by definition frozen. I'm also assuming the "stunted shrubs" in that definition is a reference to the Chicago Bears.
4. Ice Water in the Veins. Besides being fatal, wouldn't this make a player shivery and jittery? Plus, it's hardly conducive to activities requiring hand-eye coordination.
3. They've gotta play it one game at a time. As opposed, of course, the NO other possible ways to play them. You gotta love Dan Quisenberry though, who said, "We've just got to play it two games at a time."
2. It's all comes down to this. Perhaps the most banal, uninformative sentence ever uttered. Doesn't it sicken you that sports "journalists" get paid for this?
1. Giving 110%. As memorably lampooned by The Simpsons, "That's impossible. No one can give more than one hundred percent. By definition that is the most anyone can give..."